If I were a demon
by Matt's-Awesome-Too
Summary: As the name implies this is what would happen if I were a demon. I like pie! Meeps! Complete!
1. Chapter 1

I did wriite an Inuyasha story! Ha! Review!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and... I haven't written anything yet!

It was a sunny day in feudal japan; which doesn't explain why an Ape Demon was running for his life.

Matt: Ah shit! Why do those demon hunters have to chase me? It's not my fault that I accidentally destroyed a few villages, and killed hundreds of humans.

Kagome: Hey! Come back here!

An arrow glowing of purple light zoomed by his head.

Matt, scared shitless: Mother Fucker!

Matt then noticed something.

Matt: Perfect!

Kagome: Hey you! Guy with a tail!

Matt: Yeah?

Kagome: Have you seen a guy with monkey ears like yours, tails like yours, and over-all personality like yours, but not wearing an obviously fake moustache.

Matt: Uh..yeah... he... uh... transformed into that.

He pointed to a kitten.

Kagome: Something doesn't seem right here.

Inuyasha then pushed her out of the way.

Inuyasha: Shush Kagome! Let the men handle this! Let's go Miroku!

Miroku: Ok!

Inuyasha: Backlash Wave!

Miroku: Wind Tunnel!

Inuyasha then took out his Tetsaiga and slashed the air backwords, causing a giant blade of light to chop the kitten into millions of pieces, which Miroku sucked up into the cursed Wind Tunnel on his right arm.

Inuyasha: Another powerful demon slain!

Kagome: Inuyasha you idiot! SIT BOY!

Inuyasha then was forced onto the ground with a blast of white light.

Matt: Ah! How cute! Master has her little pet on a leash!

Inuyasha: I'll kill you!

Kagome: Go ahead! He was our target!

Inuyasha: How do you know?

Kagome: His fake moustache fell off.

Inuyasha: Die!

Matt: I don't fear death!

Kagome, drawing an arrow: Die!

Matt: My death isn't worth all of those lives! I still win!

Kagome, putting bow down: He's right.

Inuyasha: What the hell?

Kagome, pulling out an ugly necklace: This calls for jewelry!

Inuyasha: Stupid wench!

Kagome, irritated: Inuyasha! SIT BOY!

Inuyasha hit the ground.

Matt: What's that for?

Kagome: This!

Kagome then jumped and slammed the necklace on Matt's neck.

Matt: What the hell?

Sango: Yeah Kagome! What the hell?

Kagome: I always wanted a slave!

Matt: I'm nobody's servant!

Kagome: Yes you are. NO CHIMPY!

Matt: What the fucking hell? That even...

Matt was electrocuted, causing him to fall to the ground, scorched and in pain.

Kagome: Will you be a good boy now?

Matt: Never.

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt :Zzzzzzzzzzz!

Kagome: How about now?

Matt: Yes sir.

Kagome: WHAT WAS THAT?

Matt: I mean mam!

Kagome: That's better.

Sango: Make him jump through this hoop!

Matt: NO FUCKING WAY!

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt: .kjsajdfh.kasgvf,sagf,k,asgbfkjjg!

Sango: Go through this hoop!

Matt then jumped through the hoop.

Matt: I fucking hate you all!

Kagome: Come on!

Matt, against his will, went along with Inuyasha and company.

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I wrote it, so stop complaining! Now just review if you think it sucks! REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and I'm gonna see Snakes on a Plane Friday! At 8:30! Hellz Ya!

It was night in feudal japan; Insert something clever here.

Kagome: I'm tired! We're stopping here!

Inuyasha: Fuck why?

Kagome: Because I'm... Did you just say Fuck why?

Inuyasha: Yeah, why.

Kagome: Did you do that just to add fuck to your sentence?

Inuyasha: Yeah, so?

Kagome: It was pretty retarded.

Inuyasha: Really?

Miroku: Yeah, it was.

Sango: Have to go with the pervert on this one.

Matt: That was pretty fucking retarded.

Inuyasha: Shut the fuck up!

Matt: No fucking way!

Inuyasha: That's it! It's fucking on!

Inuyasha then drew his sword.

Inuyasha: Taste the wrath of my Tetsaiga!

Matt: Oh, a giant sword. Are you over-compensating for something?

Inuyasha: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Shippo: He's saying you have a small cock, dipshit!

Kagome: Bad Shippo! Don't swear!

Shippo: But it's true!

Inuyasha: How would you know?

Shippo: I saw you wacking off to Sango taking a bath with Miroku.

Inuyasha: YOU FUCKING LITTLE SON OF A BITCH! I'LL...Kill...you.

Inuyasha then noticed Kagome's growing anger, which will be symbolized in the anime with fire.

Kagome, in a calm tone that barely covers anger, you know it: Inuyasha.

Inuyasha, nervous as fucking hell: Uh... yes,...Kagome?

Kagome: SIT BOY! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!

Inuyasha then was forced to the ground with a bright white light several times, eventually knocking him unconscious.

Matt: Uh... Kagome. Your still on fire.

Kagome, running around: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Matt: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Kagome then put the fire out and returned.

Kagome: I just don't like you! NO CHIMPY!

Matt: Ah shit...afddsfjdxhsahfgasmngfjksdgfsah!

Matt then fell to the ground, painfully electrocuted.

Miroku: Haha! Stupid demons!

Sango, filles with anger: So, Miroku, what were you and Inuyasha doing while I was bathing?

Miroku: Well, what really happened was... Your gonna kill me no matter what I say, aren't you?

Sango: Yeah, pretty much.

Miroku: Look! A monkey!

Matt, getting up from his scorching: I take...offense...to that!

Matt fell to the ground again. Sango then chased after Miroku with her giant boomerang.

Kagome: Men are such perverts. Where's Shippo?

Kagome then looked around and saw Shippo humping a pair of her panties.

Kagome: SHIPPO!

Shippo: Ah shit!

Kagome then chased after Shippo with a hammer she pulled out of hammerspace (Yes I know what hammerspace is! I looked it up on Wikipedia!). That leaves the score at: Inuyasha, knocked out from Sit command; Matt, on the ground in pain from being electrocuted by a Bad Chimpy command; Miroku, being chased by Sango; Sango, chasing Miroku; Kagome, beating the shit out of Shippo; Shippo, getting the shit beat out of him for being such a god damn pervert. Suddenly, the screen zooms out to reveal that it was being watch by a crystal ball.

Kara: Does my pure bitchiness please you, Master Naraku?

Naraku: What the fuck are you fucking talking about? You haven't fucking done anything!

Kara: I'll do something! I'll kill them all! With my friends help! Wake up Brogan! (Names aren't real, or are they, I don't want to get my ass kicked, so Pat! Don't tell them! I'm fucking serious!)

Brogan: I don't want to get involved till a Sesshomaru character is written!

Kara: Lazy bitch!

Brogan: Zzzzzzz!

Kara: I shall kill you, Matt! Mwhahahahahahahaha!

Naraku: Any specific fucking plot in mind?

Kara: It's Inuyasha, Master Naraku! Just throw in a random demon and some love scene between Inuyasha and Kagome and you've got an episode, Master Naraku!

Naraku: Whatever. You got your fucking Naked girl costume on? We're gonna be fucking late for the costume party. I've already have my Mattman costume on.

Kara, removing her clothes: Yes, Master Naraku.

Naraku: Then let's fucking go! (Note: Naked Girl and Mattman are part of F.A.R.T.S., or the Fantastic Awesome Retardely-named Team of Superheros.)

Naraku and Kara then went to the costume party, and lost best group costume, mainly because there was only two of them. Kara, however, won best costume. That's about it. See you next chapter.

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I'm serious Pat! I fear those two! Very much! Robot Chicken begins Sepember 17! Yay! Also, REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, Matt, The Author, here. I have some pretty good news for you Invader Zim fans out there! No, I'm not writing an Invader Zim fic, that would be great news, but this is still pretty good, there's a Bloody Gir hidden in this chapter somewhere. Try and find it! Also, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and I guess Kara and Brogan are their own people.

It was a quite night in feudal japan; That has nothing to do with the story though.

Matt: What the hell?

Kagome: I'm tired, so we're fucking stopping!

Matt: Are you on your period?

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt: Why the fuck?...w;li;fiywqiugflhasbfjawgsfjgqwafdkn

Matt then fell to the ground, electrocuted and in tremendous pain!

Inuyasha: What's a period?

Miroku then leaned in to Inuyasha and whispered something.

Inuyasha: Ohhhh! That's why she's such a bitch!

Miroku: No, she's always like that.

BLOODY GIR!

Kagome then took out a shotgun.

Kagome: I'll give you both till the count of 10 to run.

Miroku and Inuyasha then ran for their lives.

Kagome: Great! Now we have the camp to ourselves! Let's take a bath together while they're gone!

Sango, pointing to Matt: Ok! What about him?

Kagome: Right. NO CHIMPY! NO CHIMPY! NO CHIMPY!

Matt, crying: Why? You suc...sakjlgfhsa;iuokrgbflksgfkjasgfukvsalufugaslugfluaskjfjcfoegrlsaglfkgsdlufglsuhfkusagafkgsafgasjlfglksaugflasgafkldugwkafgksajgfkjashgfkjasgfjkjsakjcjgasgjhfskajjvfkhsgvcfcfjjhsvzsszxkjfjgaskjjfsajahfjhgvfcjalfjgsaljhfsljahahvfnhashavfcfjhfsvfjasgjlhfgslagfliqwiqrpweeyrywoeqiwigrowgrioiqwggriwqrpiiweyrpoi!

Matt then fell unconscious.

Sango: Let's go!

Kagome and Sango then went to the near-by hot spring, undressed and got in. Then they saw Shippo floating on his back.

Kagome: Shippo! What are you doing ...

She then noticed Shippo's erection.

Kagome: Let's not bother him Sango, he seem's to be having a good dream.

Sango: I didn't know his cock was THAT small!

Kagome: I know. And he criticizes Inuyasha!

Sango: Well, his is a fox demon, not a horse demon.

Kagome: Yeah, then you got to take into the fact that is fully erect and he's in warm water.

Sango: Yeah, Damn that thing is small.

Shippo, mumbling: That's right...suck my cock... oh... yeah... right there... Kagome.

Kagome: You hear that?

Sango: Ya! You should suck it for him!

Kagome: I don't know. What do you think Yoda?

Yoda, naked in the spring: Suck him off, you should!

Kagome: Thank you, Yoda! Your so wise!

Kagome then put her mouth around Shippo's cock and started sucking.

Sango: I can't believe she's doing it!

Yoda: Know, I do!

Kagome then suddenly stopped, then puked all over Shippo, waking him up.

Shippo: MY DREAM CAME TRUE!

Kagome: That's not the only thing that came!

Shippo: I don't get it.

Kagome: YOU FUCKING CUMMED IN MY MOUTH!

Shippo: You the one who fucking sucked me off!

Kagome: I'LL KILL YOU!

Kagome then chased after Shippo with a katana.

Back behind a bush,...

Miroku: Man! Kagome's a whore!

Inuyasha: Don't talk about my bitch that way!

Matt: Do you guys think it's wrong to masturbate to those two naked?

Miroku: No! It's perfectly ok as long as...they don't... find...out? She's right behind me isn't she?

Sango: NO! I'm in front of you! (Bad Futurama Reference)

Matt: You know your still naked, right?

Sango: AHHH!

She then hit Matt with a boulder, which shattered.

Matt: Please! I'm a demon! That's not gonna hurt me!

Kagome: No, but I can!

Matt: Ah shit! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES!

Matt, Inuyasha, and Miroku then ran **VERY** fast.

Kagome: SHIT BOY! NO CHIMPY!

Matt was immediately electrocuted and Inuyasha was brought down in a flash of light!

Miroku: Hahaha! You ain't got no prayer beads around my neck! Can't control me! Los...

Sango had thrown her giant boomerang, which hit Miroku in the head, knocking him out.

Sango: Hey Kagome?

Kagome: Yeah Sango?

Sango: Have you noticed that this is basically how all of the chapters have ended?

Chris Griffin: You breaking the...

Matt the sliced Chris into hundreds of pieces.

Matt: We're not going into that joke in this story, too!

And with that, everyone went to sleep.

Kara: I wasn't even in this chapter!

Matt, The Author: Stop being such a bitch and just let loose your demon.

Kara: Fine!

Kara then walked over and opened a locked gate.

Kara: Be free my demon pet! Be free, and destroy!

Pat: I'm a pig demon! Yay!

Pat then went on a rampage and destroyed a shitload of villages.

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Man, this chapter was fucking LONG. I gotta start writing fighting chapters. Those are shorter! I like pie! Meeps! Also, REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

Matt, The Author, here. Nothing to say but REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and uh... Olivia's rack!

Inuyasha and company were travailing past a town, that was in ruins.

Inuyasha: This town seems different.

Kagome: Yeah, something doesn't seem right.

Matt: ARE YOU BOTH RETARDED? IT'S IN FUCKING RUINS!

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt then was electrocuted and fell to the ground.

Matt: WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING HEL WAS THAT FOR?

Kagome: Girls hate to be wrong!

Miroku: Loser!

Little Girl: Cough,... Help...me.

Matt: I'll take care of her!

Kagome: NO CHIMPY! You fucking pervert!

Matt: saiugroiuwqgbrqwhrowehqourgweqorgweouougroewqugeriuweugbriygv!

Kagome: What happened?

Little Girl: Some giant fatass came and burned down our village by farting and lighting it on fire!

Matt: HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt: sfwefbweoegr!

Miroku: I would gladly help you, on one condition.

Little Girl: Anything!

Miroku: Will you bare my children?

Matt then kicked Miroku in the nut's.

Matt: If anyone's fucking this chick, it's gonna be me!

Kagome then grabbed them both by the ears.

Kagome: AGES, NOW!

Miroku: Ow! 18!(I checked! So don't say I got it wrong!)

Kagome: Not only does that make you a pedophile, she's 8 years old!

Miroku: Sorry.

Kagome, dropping Miroku: Now you!

Matt: No fair! You dropped him first!

Kagome: Do you want me to shock you?

Matt: NO! 2839873½ years!

Kagome: Holy shit! Your old enough to know what killed the dinosaurs! What was it? Asteroid, Ice Age, Evolution?

Matt: It was a giant brain! Don't you watch Futurama? Can you fucking drop me now?

Kagome, dropping Matt: I do, just, how could you watch... Ah, Fuck it!

Suddenly everyone heard a scream.

Little Girl: Oh no! My brother! I left him back at the house!

Matt: Let's go!

Everyone ran towards the scream.

Little Boy: HELP ME!...AHHHH!

Matt: Oh god no!

Michael Jacksom was naked, raping the little boy up the ass.

Michael Jacksom: Jam on! Who-who!

Little Boy: HELP ME SISTER! IT HURTS SO MUCH!

Matt: I'll take this one.

Inuyasha: Whatever.

Matt: Blades of Everlasting Death!

Matt the slashed the air with his monkey claws, which, for some reason, created five banana-shaped yellow blades of light fly out and sliced Michael Jacksom into millions of bloody chunks, which didn't even harm the boy.

Little Boy: My ass hurts!

Little Girl, rubbing his cock: Don't worry, I'll make you feel better.

Everyone looked at the two in disgust.

Little Gir, undressing: What? We're in fucking feudal japan! Families fucked each other all the time!

Little Boy, undressing: Yeah!

Matt and Miroku, both sighing: Damn! She's taken.

Inuyasha and company the walked away in search of the mysterious pig demon named Pat, before they had to watch the two siblings fuck. Which no one wants to see, unless it involves to hot anime sisters. Yeah, that would be cool.

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Yes, I'm sorry for that chapter. I just wanted to kill Micheal Jacksom (I hate that fucking rule that you can't use fucking real actors names!) and that was the only way I could write it in! I like pie! Meeps! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5 Water

Hey, to all you people who hate me, FUCK YOU! If you want to complain, without critisim, don't review, I made a forum for it. That's right! I'm stupid enough to create a club for the people who hate me to get together and talk! Also, REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, if I did, I'd make a game where all the people fought each other!...What? They already have that?... Fuck it!

Inuyasha and company were traveling along, then they noticed another ruined town, that was still smoking.

Kagome: We have to see if there are survivors!

Inuyasha: I don't care about those fucking humans!

Matt: Let them deal with their own fucking problems!

Kagome: Don't make me Sit Boy and No Chimpy both your asses.!

Matt and Inuyasha both fell down I extreme pain.

Kagome: Oops, Sorry.

Matt, mumbling: You better be sorry, bitch.

Kagome: WHAT WAS THAT?

Matt: Nothing!

Miroku, unsheathing his right arm: I'll take care of the wreckage! WIND TUNNEL!

Miroku then started sucking in the debris, not noticing the people getting sucked in too.

Matt: Miroku! You idiot! Your sucking up all the hot chicks!

Matt then ran into the vortex and grabbed all the hot chicks, saving them.

Hot Chicks: How can we ever repay you?

Matt, smirking: Oh, I can think of a way...

Kagome, with one of those anime vanes in her head: NO CHIMPY!

Matt was then immediately electrocuted, scorching him, the women caressing his cock, however, died instantly.

Matt: Oh, way to go you fucking bitch!

Kagome: Ahh, shit.

After everyone was done saving the village, Sango posed an interesting question.

Sango: Who did this?

Villager: It was a giant Pig demon named Pat, and his crew of followers.

Inuyasha: What did they look like?

Villager: We didn't see them all, all we saw were shadows behind the giants flaming fart. One of them stayed behind though.

Matt: Where is he?

Villager: He stays around the lake. This fire has been raging for three days, but we haven't been able to access the lake because he kills all that go near.

Matt: Let's go!

Inuyasha: Why? This doesn't concern us.

Matt: Fine, you guys go. I want to see how powerful this water demon is.

Kagome: Fine! We'll go!

The group then walked over to the lake.

Kagome: Why is there a fucking giant Pineapple on the island in the middle of the lake?

Matt: Oh god! I thought I killed him in If I were a sea creature!

Spongebob: You did! But then I followed you through the portal you made to this world! I was near death! But when I entered this world I gained Demon powers! Like these!

Spongebob then shot Ice Spears out of his hands, which froze Inuyasha and company in ice crystals.

Matt: Ice? I thought you had water powers.

Spongebob: I do! Attack! My Aqua Dogs! (That's a monster from Beet the Vandel Buster, for anyone who cares.)

A pack of dogs made of water then rose up out of the lake and attacked Matt.

Matt: Please! You were a gay homo in your universe, and your just a gay in this one.

Matt then took out his katana, then held it in a cool fashion.

Matt: Blade of the Banana: The Ultimate Sword of the Jungle!

Matt then slashed the air, causing a giant banana-shaped piece of yellow light to come out of the blade, reduce the Aqua Dogs to puddles, and completely disintegrating Spongebob and his fucking gay house!

Matt: You are still a fucking gay pussy!

Inuyasha and company then unfroze at that moment.

Matt: Damn!

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt was then knocked unconscious.

Kagome: Inuyasha drag,... nah, have him ride on Kirara's back, he did save our lives after all.

Inuyasha and company then went on to the next village, in search of Pat the pig demon, and his band of followers.

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That's right. All of my storys have connected plots. There all one big story, but barely, that's why there seperated. Anyway, REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


	6. Chapter 6 Wood

Hey Matt here. I was watching X-Play whe I was writing this, so I apologize in advance. Also, REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and a fear of cats.

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of a pig demon named Pat.

Inuyasha: Look! A flaming city.

Matt, sarcastically: I wonder what that could mean?

Inuyasha: Shut the fuck up!

Kagome: He's getting away.

Kagome pointed to Pat getting on a bus headed to the next city.

Matt and Inuyasha: Let's go!

Sango: This doesn't even remotely make sense!

Miroku: Could you just be cool for once?

Sango, saddened: I'm cool.

Miroku then caressed her ass. Sango then hit him in the nuts.

Sango: Fucking pervert.

Miroku: Uh, the others all almost there.

Sango: We better get going!

Sang then grabbed Miroku's cock, and dragged him towards the others.

Miroku, thinking: I'm not sure if I'm in sever pain, or great pleasure. Oh well, might as well stay for the ride.

Inuyasha: You! Fatass! Stop!

Pat: Ah shit! They caught up with us! Uh,... SMOKE TURD!

Pat then squatted in front of the group and craped out a turd, that started smoking, which distracted the group of demon slayers, mainly because they had never seen a turd hold a cigar. In the confusion Pat ran away with his followers, except one.

Pat: You take care of him!

Ratty, getting thrown out of a bus: Damn!

Police Officer: Hey you! This is a no smoking zone! Your coming with me!

The Police Officer then took the turd and shoved it in jail, where it was raped up the ass by Meg Griffin.

Ratty: You fools! I will kill you all, with my apparent ability to control wood in this universe! Damn!

Matt: Wait,... aren't you a puppet on X-Pl...

Ratty: Shut up! Unless you want to get sued! Damn!

Matt: We can't get sued! I put a disclaimer!

Ratty: That doesn't mean shit! Now attack, my Adam and Morgan wooden ninjas!

Suddenly, all of the surrounding trees glowed with a green light, then turned into ninja clones of Adam Sesler and Morgan Web.

Inuyasha: Wind Scar!

Miroku: Wind Tunnel!

Sango: Boomerang!

Shippo: Fox Magic!

Kagome: Sacred Arrow!

Matt: Uh... Flamethrower!

Everyone, excluding Matt, just cut there version of clones into pieces, which grew into more ninja clones. Matt, however, burnt his into ashes.

Ratty: Damn! Combine ninja clones!

All of the clones combined into one giant tree, which separated into two giant clones of Adam and Morgan, with one difference. Adam now had James Bond accent and marksmanship and Morgan had Wookie fur and strength.

Ratty: Know meet the ultimate ninja clones! Adam Bond and Morgan "The Wookie" Web! Damn!

Matt: Eat this!

Matt then bit off Jessica Simson's and threw it at the giant clones, exploding, and causing a giant wormhole to appear, sucking them in, and hurling them into the sun.

Ratty: Looks like I'll have to handle this "Dick" style!

Ratty then shot Matt with a shotgun.

Ratty: I thought you were a deer. Damn!

Matt: I'm a fucking demon! Bullets can't kill me! Fist of the Wobble-Wobble: Jelly Reflection!

Matt's body then turned into blue jelly, which bounced back the bullet, killing Ratty.

Ratty: Cough... Damn!

Matt: Another easy victory for me!

Jelly Jiggler: Hey! No fair! That was my move!

Kirara: Meow! (Yum! Jello!)

Kirara then ate Jelly Jiggler.

Matt: Let's get going!

Kagome: Shut up! NO CHIMPY!

Matt then was knocked unconscious and carried on Kirara's back. Inuyasha and company then set out on the tracks of the pig demon Pat!

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Nothing else to say but, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7 Earth

If you haven't guessed already I'm basing the followers on the chinese elements, not the western ones, so you won't get air. Sorry Avatar fans. Insted you get metal. Yeah! I like pie! Meeps!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and... Who am I kidding? No one reads this crap.

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of the fatass named Pat.

Inuyasha: I'm tired! How many of his followers do we have to kill before we kick his fat ass.

Matt: Stop being such a bitch! I've done all the fighting!

Kagome: Yeah! Such being such a bitch!

Matt: Kagome? Are you hiding something? Like a penis?

Kagome: NO! I got the operation when I was 5!

Everyone: WHAT THE FUCK?

Kagome: I mean...uh... NO CHIMPY!

Matt then fell unconscious.

Shippo: Girls don't have penises?

Miroku: No, they have something that fill men with pure bliss.

Shippo: What's that?

Miroku: I'll tell you when your older.

Shippo: Damn.

Inuyasha and company kept on the trail of fatass, until they caught up with the bus.

Matt: There it is!

Sango: When did you regain consciousness?

Matt: When I felt warm liquid on my crotch after Kirara was done humping it.

Sango: Ew!

Matt: What? Were both demons!

Inuyasha: He's getting away!

Matt: Ah shit!

Matt then grabbed the end of the bus.

Pat: MOTHER FUCKER! How the fuck did they catch up so quick? Fuck it! You'll do!

Pat then threw one of his followers at Matt, causing him to lose his grip, letting the bus go flying ahead.

Matt: What did he fucking throw a... ah shit!

Captain Planet: YOU FUCKING KILLED ME!

Matt: Yeah, sorry about that. Aren't you a good guy?

Captain Planet: Not anymore!

Matt: Oh. How are you earth-themed?

Captain Planet: I'm fucking Captain Planet! I'm Earth in human form.

Matt: I meant earth the element, not Earth the planet.

Captain Planet: Ah shit! Oh we...

Suddenly, a sniper rifle shot was heard and Captain Planet dropped dead.

Matt: HOLY SHIT1 Who Killed Captain Planet?

Matt, The Author: I killed Captain Planet!

Matt: Why did you kill Captain Planet? Since you the author, wouldn't killing Captain Planet be bad for you. Because killing Captain Planet would create a major Captain Planet-themed plot hole.

Matt, The Author: I killed Captain Planet, because Captain Planet is to fucking long of a name, so I grew bored of writing Captain Planet over and over.

Inuyasha: That makes, Captain Planet, sense.

Kagome: Yeah, Captain Planet.

Miroku: Perfectly, Captain Planet, reasonable.

Shippo: Captain Planet, Captain Planet, Captain Planet.

Sango: Why, Captain Planet, do you keep, Captain Planet, making us say, Captain Planet, Captain Planet I your growing, Captain Planet, tired of, Captain Planet, fucking writing it?

Matt, The Author: I don't, Captain Planet, know. Sadly, none of you can, Captain Planet, remember me?

Matt, The Author, bless the very, Captain Planet, crap he writes, took out that cool light thing from Men in, Captain Planet, Black.

Matt, The Author: Say "Captain Planet"

Everyone, except, Captain Planet, Matt, who put on Captain Planet-themed sunglasses. Matt, The Author, bless the very crap he, Captain Planet, writes, clicked the device, which flashed red, erasing all of Inuyasha's group's Captain Planet-themed memories.

Matt: See you later, Captain Planet.

Matt, The Author: May the Captain Planet be with you.

Everyone regained consciousness, then went on the trail of the fatass pig-demon named Captain Planet, I mean Pat... CAPTAIN PLANET! (If you haven't guessed, I've been paroding, badly, a skit on robot chicken. Sorry, wait, no I'm not.)

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CAPTAIN PLANET! I'll stop now. Or will, Captain Planet, I? REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	8. Chapter 8 Metal

Matt here. I'm not gonna put in any more chapters for a while because school's starting soon, me est el sad. Pie est el bueno! El Meeps-o!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and a love of pie.

Inuyasha and company were waiting at the bus stop.

Kagome, hugging Matt: You're a genius!

Matt, in great bliss: I...know.

Miroku: I was a good idea. We fly ahead of the bus, then wait at the next bus stop.

Kagome, still hugging Matt: He's got to go by here!

Inuyasha, obviously jealous: How long you gonna keep holding on to him?

Matt, sticking out his tongue: Your just jealous!

Inuyasha: YOU LITTLE...

Matt, perking his ears: I'd move if I where you.

Inuyasha: DON'T INTERRUPT ME! I'LL KI...

The bus then ran over Inuyasha.

Pat, throwing out a follower: Lazy piece of shit!

Inuyasha, brushing self off: I'm ok, luckily...

The follower flew out of the bus, hitting Inuyasha, and knocking him out.

Matt: Hey! Who do you think you... Bender?

Bender: Ow, my head.

Matt: How is it?

Bender: Hiccup... I fell a little woozy. Got any sake?

Miroku: I think you've had enough.

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!

Miroku: Metal?

Matt: Yeah! He's a robot! Give him some fucking liquor!

Miroku: If you say so?

Miroku then threw him a bottle of sake, which he grabbed, drank in one swig, and belched out fire.

Sango: Holy shit!

Bender: Hahaha! KILL ALL HUMANS!

Miroku: What the hell was that?

Inuyasha: I like his style!

Matt: Yeah!

Kagome: SIT BOY! NO CHIMPY!

Matt and Inuyasha: Ah shit.

Bender: Haha! Losers!

Matt: Self-Destruct code; 1A, 2B, 3C!

Bender then exploded.

Bender: Ah great! Now everybody knows!

Matt: Well, great seeing you again, Bender.

Bender: Yeah, whatever. See you again in 2008 on Comedy Central.

Matt: Ok,... Hey wait... GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!

Bender, getting hit with Matt's sword: Ow! Ok. Ow!

Bender then went through a randomly appearing time hole, to the year 3006, to drink beer, smoke cigars, and fuck cheap Hookerbots.

Miroku: That was weird.

Sango: Yes it was. Let us never speak of this again.

Miroku: Yes lets.

And with that, Inuyasha and company went on their way to kill the pig demon Pat.

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Pie is good! Meeps! Also, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!


	9. Chapter 9 Satan

Matt here: Yes, you read that right Satan. Is it an element? Fuck no! But, I just saw a flash video that made me feel that I had to write this. Also, Review!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and... THE SOULS OF 1,000 INNOCENT BUNNIES!

Inuyasha and company were traveling on the trail of the evil pig demon Pat.

Matt: There he is!

Inuyasha, taking out Tetsaiga: Where?

Kagome: For God's sake Matt! It was only funny the first 9 times! Shut the fuck up!

Matt: You shut up!

Kagome: NO CHI..

Matt: NO! I'll be good,...-ish.

Sango: I'd take it, it's probable the best, midget hooker, your gonna get.

Kagome: Yeah, I guess your right.

Matt: There he i...

Kagome: Shut!

Sango: The!

Miroku: Fuck!

Shippo: Up!

Pat: Retard!

Matt: He's fucking right there!

Pat: Ah shit!...Uh,... Run!

Inuyasha: Not so fast!

Pat was then surrounded.

Pat: Attack!

Winnie the Pooh and Piglet appeared out of the black hole that always appears whenever Pat cuts one.

Kagome: Winnie the Pooh?

Matt: I know, not very threatening is it?

Winnie the Pooh: ALL WORSHIP SATAN!

Matt: What the mother fucking hell?

Pat: Yeah, they worship Satan.

Piglet: SATAN! GIVE US YOUR POWER!

A crack suddenly opened up in the ground, which pure hate and flames poured out of, engulfing Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in pure satanic power.

Winnie the Pooh, Exorcist voice: YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE ME!

Matt: I got this.

Miroku and Inuyasha, putting away weapons: Ah shit.

Matt, unsheathing his sword: Everlasting Death Slice of Eternal Torment and Misery Monkey Style!

Matt then slashed his sword which cased a giant blade of black energy to appear, which sliced through the satanically-powered Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, chopping them into so many pieces that the actually liquified them. The liquid then fell on a seed that, 500 years in the future, would grow to become the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Kagome: That was highly unnecessary.

Matt: Hey,... Where the fuck did Pat go?

Inuyasha: Ah shit.

Inuyasha and company then went back on the trail of the fatass pig demon named Pat.

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Nothing to say but, Review. New Story Idea- Yu-gi-oh? That's gonna take a while, I'm currently writing out the charecters decks on notecards so I don't mess up. I like pie! Meeps!


	10. Chapter 10

Matt here: I appolgise in advance if your offended by this chapter, but that just means you a bunch of French, Cock-sucking pussies! I like pie! Meeps!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and a 16.9 fl oz. Dr.Pepper.

Warning: This chapter is mostly a sex scene, so don't read unless your 18! If you under 18 don't ... I can't keep a strait face whenever I say that.

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of a fatass pig demon named Pat.

Inuyasha: This storyline is getting old! How much longer do we have to keep doing this?

Matt: What are you talking about? You've had the same story line for, like, 15 episodes

Kagome: He's got us there.

Inuyasha: I fucking hate you!

Matt: See, Kagome! He doesn't respect you! You need a real man!

Kagome: I think Miroku's taken.

Sango, grabbing Miroku's cock: This is mine!

Miroku: OH YEAH!

Kagome: And Shippo's to young.

Shippo, humping Kagome's leg: I'm a man!

Kagome, shaking Shippo off her leg: No you... WHAT"S THIS STAIN ON MY LEG?

Shippo: Sorry, I kinda cummed on it.

Kagome: Still, that doesn't prove you're a man. Then what choice do I have beside Inuyasha?

Matt: Uh hum!

Kagome: OH! I guess Shippo will do.

Shippo: FUCK YEAH!

Matt, pointing behind Shippo: Hey Shippo, what's that?

Shippo, turning around: I don't see...

Matt then smacked Shippo into the air, creating one of those cool anime stars.

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt: Ah shit! Kj;ldfgsdiugfaslkjrfbvlasgflkhsagfkjhasglfkusagkufysauf!

Matt then fell unconscious.

Pat, off in the distance: What the fuck? I'll fucking kill you!

Shippo: SSHHIITT!

Shippo came flying back on fire, hitting Matt, bringing him back to consciousness.

Pat, shooting fireballs: I'll fucking kill you all!

Kagome, crying: WERE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE!

Matt and Inuyasha: Rock, Paper, Scissors...SHOOT!

Inuyasha: Rock flies through paper! I win!

Matt, sarcastically: Damn, I guess I lose.

Inuyasha then ran off to fight Pat while Matt stayed to comfort Kagome.

Matt and Inuyasha, thinking: Sucker!

Matt: There, there Kagome. Just cry into my arms.

Kagome, going into Matt's arms: Thanks Matt. Sob. Sorry about the, whimper, Chimpy commands.

Matt: It's ok.

Matt, screaming inside his head: AWESOME! HER BOOBS ARE ALL OVER MY CROTCH!

Kagome, still crying: Matt, sob, what's that hard thing against my tits?

Matt, frantically looking for an excuse: Uh... It's, uh... my sword? (Not a metaphor! It's an excuse!)

Kagome, still crying: Oh,... It feels warm and comforting up against my chest.

Kagome then snuggled up against Matt and closed her eyes, tears slowly stopping to fall from her eyes.

Miroku and Shippo, notepads out: He's a bloody genius! Can we look behind us yet?

Sango, fingering her slit: OH GOD YES! No, not until I'm, FUCK YEAH, finished!

Miroku and Shippo, whispering: Thank Buddha for mirrors!

At that moment...

Inuyasha, panting: FUCK! I fucking hate not having sweat gland!

Pat: Then why the fuck did you fight a fire opponent?

Inuyasha, panting: It was either this or comfort Kagome! And I won Rock, Paper, Scissors!

Pat, shocked: You won, and you choose I fight?

Inuyasha: Yeah, so what?

Pat: Uh, nothing,... back to fighting.

Back at the camp...

Kagome, waking up: Oh Matt, your sword reminds me of something.

Matt, nervous: Uh,... what?

Kagome: The little thing that got harder when Shippo was humping my leg.

Matt, feeling emasculated: Oh,...

Kagome, moving to get comfortable in his lap: Except a lot bigger.

Matt, gaining back his pride: Really?

Kagome: Yes,... Is your sword getting bigger?

Matt: Maybe if you stopped moving around so much!..Ah shit.

Kagome, jumping off his lap: EW! YOU FUCKING PERVERT!

Matt: Come on! You rubbed your boobs in my crotch! What did you fucking expect?

Kagome: You told me it was your sword!

Matt: You saw me drop it with you "NO CHIMPY" command!

Kagome: ...So?

Matt: Don't tell me you didn't like it?

Kagome: Of course I fucking liked it! I just don't want to be called a fucking whore!

Matt, sharping claws: They'll only call you one if they fucking find out!

Miroku, Shippo, and Sango: Ah shit! He's looking right at us!

Kagome: I guess your right, but if anyone finds out I'll kill you!

Matt: No one will.

Kagome, unbuttoning her top: Fine, but only because I don't want to die a virgin.

Matt, ripping his shirt off: Whatever, skirt, lose it, NOW!

Kagome, top gone, skirt coming off: Pants off!

Matt, nude: Way ahead of you.

Sango, reaching down her pants: HOLY SHIT!

Miroku, covering Shippo's eyes: This isn't appropriate for you to see.

Shippo: Ah shit!

Kagome, spreading her legs: WOW!

Matt, jumping on top of her: You ready?

Kagome: FUCK YA! SHOVE IT IN ME!

Matt: You sure?

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt was pulled to the ground, his cock going incredibly deep into her.

Kagome, pure bliss: FUCK YEAH! INUYASHA WASN'T MAN ENOUGH TO DO THAT! FUCK YEAH!

Meanwhile,...

Inuyasha, badly injured: You hear that?

Pat: Yeah, I think someone's boning your babe.

Inuyasha: MATT! I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM! See ya next chapter Pat.

Pat: I'll be waiting.

Back at camp,...

Kagome, curled up against Matt: That was fantastic!

Matt: Yeah, that definitely makes my top 10.

Kagome: What?

Matt: Nothing.

Kagome, putting her clothes back on: Remember, never talk about this to anyone.

Matt, still nude: Yeah, whatever.

Miroku, jaw dropped: That was the wildest sex I ever saw!

Sango: I know! It's a shame the writer, bless the very crap he writes, wussed out and didn't show it all.

Miroku: Where's Shippo?

Sango: Oh, he had a huge boner, so I let him fuck me up the ass, you want the front door? That wild sex left me horny.

Miroku, stripped: HELLZ YA! (Damn, did it again!)

Miroku then jumped on Sango.

Sango: FUCK YA!

Kagome: You hear that?

Matt: It was nothing.

Inuyasha, crashing through a tree: WHO'S FUCKING KAGOME!

Kagome: INUYASHA! SIT BOY!

Inuyasha crashed to the floor.

Matt, still naked: Haha! Loser!

Kagome: PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON, PERVERT!

Matt, putting clothes on: Fine.

Everyone then put their clothes back on and went to fight Pat the Fatass Pig Demon, next chapter.

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Nothing much to say except that I have a forum if you want to complain about how fucking retarded this chapter was, and REVIEW! REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


	11. Chapter 11 Fire

Matt here: Sorry about the last chapter, this one has less sex in it. Also REVIEW!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and... I need more original characters.

Inuyasha and company were about to fight Pat the Fatass Pig Demon.

Inuyasha: I still think some things fucking up!

Matt, with Kagome hanging on his arm: You just got some sand in your vagina. (Bad South Park reference.)

Inuyasha: What the fucking hell?

Kagome: Stop quoting tv shows. He won't get it..

Matt: I guess.

Pat, waiting in an armchair next to a fireplace reading a book: I say! It's about bloody time you got here! I've run out of crumpets!

Matt: Cut the fucking British shit out!

Pat: Whatever.

Matt: I see Inuyasha couldn't finish the job.

Kagome: That's what she said!

Everyone except Inuyasha burst out laughing.

Inuyasha: I fucking hate you guys!

Pat: What's with him?

Matt: Oh, he's just got some sand in his vagina.

Matt, Kagome, and Pat burst out laughing.

Inuyasha: Still fucking hate you all!

Matt: Yeah, yeah,.. So we gonna fight, or what?

Pat, looking at his watch: Yeah, we better start now, Yu-gi-oh GX is on at 5:30.

Matt: Yeah I want to catch that, too.

Pat: Ok,.. Go.

Pat then had lava burst out of the ground, incasing everyone in stone except for Matt and Kagome.

Kagome: I wasn't frozen?

Matt: Shut up! The men are talking! (Bad Family Guy reference)

Matt, taking out his katana: BLADE OF THE MONKEY!

Matt swung his sword, causing a giant blade of light to form into a monkey, that shit all over Pat, then disapeered.

Pat, melting: I'M MELTING! (Bad,.. Do I even have to say?)

Matt: That was easy,... why haven't they turned back to normal?

Kagome: Yeah, that's weird.

Pat, stepping out of the puddle of sludge: It's because I'm not dead.

Matt, laughing his nuts off: WHAT THE HELL?

Kagome, baby talk: AH, he's so cuddelwey!

Pat: Yes, I'm really a fucking teddy bear.

Matt: I would love to hear how that happened,...

Pat: Good! Because I intend to tell you,...

Matt:..Right after this commercial break!

Pat: Ah shit.

Commercial Break

Boy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Mr.Owl: I don't know kid, but you better put some fucking clothes on, or Michael Jacksom will count how many licks it takes to get to the creamy white center of your Tootsie Pop!

Boy: What the fuck?

End Commercial

Matt: And we're back!

Pat: Since you sold out to Tootsie, do we have enough in the budget for me to have a flashback?

Matt: Why the hell not?

Pat: Kickass!

(Flashback Starts)

Pat: Hey Stacey!

Stacey, has huge tits: What's up Pat and Matt?

Matt: Nothing much.

Pat, poking Stacey's tits: Poke!

Stacey, covering her tits: What the hell, Pat?

Matt: That reminds me of an E-Mail I got.

Pat: Where the hell did that come from?

Matt: I forgot how the conversation got there, so I'm making most of the details up.

Pat: Oh, go ahead.

Stacey: What was up with it?

Matt: It had this cute little teddy bear that had this sign that said "click my tummy" and when you did the teddy said "What's wrong with you, you fucking pervert? You gotta get off fucking touching teddy bears? You fucking doucebag".

Stacey, laughing: What the hell?

Matt: You probably get off touching teddy bears.

Stacey: I do have this one teddy bear that I cuddle with every night/

Pat: I would give anything to be that teddy bear!

Matt: Most people would.

Stacey, no idea that most guys would sleep with her like that: Yeah right.

Matt: Lunch time!

Matt and Stacey ran toward the door.

(Note: This conversation actually happened, up to this point.)

Pat: Time for lunch!

Mysterious Voice: How would you like to make a deal with the devil?

Pat: Hellz Yeah! (Damn, promising!)

The Mysterious Voice stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself to be Kara Sage.

Kara: Good. I'll make you fall asleep, and when you wake up as a teddy bear in Stacey's bed.

Pat: FUCK YEAH!

Kara then hit him on the head with a hammer, knocking him out.

A Few hours later...

Stacey: I going to bed mom!

Stacey's mom: Ok!

Pat awoke to Stacey undressing for bed.

Pat, thinking: HOLALHYA!

Stacey, naked: Hello Teddy!

Pat, thinking: Hello titties!

Stacey, starting to hump Pat: Oh Teddy, you always make me feel so good!

Pat, thinking: SWEET! I know just what to do!

Pat reached his paw down to his furry crotch.

Pat, felling nothing: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Stacey: What the hell?

Time suddenly froze.

Kara: How do you like your change Patrick?

Pat: YOU FUCKING GOT RID OF MY PENIS!

Kara: You said you'd give anything to be her teddy bear.

Pat: Anything but that! I want to change back!

Kara: Fine, but you'll have to do something for me.

Pat: I won't sleep with you, I can only sink so low.

Kara: No, I want you to serve me, to impress my master Naraku.

Pat: Fine.

Kara then took Pat with him, replacing him with Stacey's old bear.

Time started again.

Stacey's Mom: Stacey, are you having sex with you stuffed animals again?

Stacey: Yes Mom!

Stacey's Mom: Well keep it down! I'm trying to have a lesbian orgy in here!

(Flashback Ends)

Kagome: Damn, her boobs where the same size as mine and she's younger then me!

Matt: How the hell could you have a flashback if you weren't there?

Pat: That was so an Invader Zim line!

Kagome: How come you were in his flashback, Matt?

Matt: That was the author, not me.

Kagome: Oh.

Matt: So, you wont get your old body back until Kara's killed?

Pat: No, but it will make me fell better.

Kagome, baby talk: He's so cuddelwey!

Kagome then picked up Pat and hugged him against her chest. Pat the stuck his tongue out at Matt.

Matt, pulling down his pants: I fucking hate you dude! But at least I still have my penis.

Pat: I still have fire powers you know?

Matt, pulling his pants up: Inuyasha's gonna kill you.

Kagome: Speaking of Inuyasha, could you unfreeze the others, pwese?

Pat: Ok.

He then snapped his fingers, unfreezing the others.

With that, Inuyasha and company went on to kill Kara, the super bitch.

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In the infamouse words of M. Night Shamalon, " What a twist!". Review and tell me what you think. Also, Pat, for God's sake, do not tell Stacey about this! I would prefer not to get my ass kicked! I like pie! Meeps!


	12. Chapter 12

Matt: Nothing to say at the moment. Meeps!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and, I'm out of things to say.

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of the fatass,.. Wait, I mean the Super Bitch.

Inuyasha: What the hell?

Matt: I need to pay the narrator more.

Kagome: He's just sooooo cuddelwey!

Shippo: Let me feel!

Kagome, handing Shippo Pat: Ok, just be carful.

Pat: I NEVER AGREED TO THIS!

Shippo: He's so soft!

Pat: WHERE IS THAT HAND GOING?

Shippo: He's huggably soft!

Pat: GET THAT FUCKING HAND OUT OF MY FUCKING CROTCH!

Shippo: He's huggably, rapeably soft!

Pat: WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING HELL?

Shippo then cut a hole in Pat's ass with his claws and started raping him up the ass.

Kagome: That's hot!

Matt, covering his eyes: Yeah, to a chick!

Sango: It takes a real man to do that!

Miroku: I'm in!

Miroku the cut a hole in Pat's crotch and started raping him up his man-gina.

Pat: GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER! I'M A FUCKING HE-SHE!

Matt: That's what she said!

Everyone burst out in laughter, except Pat, who was in to much pain at the moment.

Kagome, cuddling up against Inuyasha: Inu, could you get into the gang bang?

Inuyasha: WHAT THE FUCK?

Kagome: It would turn me on, the I'd be willing to let you doggie-style me.

Inuyasha, ripping off his clothes: FUCK YEAH!

Inuyasha then started raping Pat down the throat, shutting him up. Pat started to cry little teddy bear tears.

Matt, eyes still shut: Why the fuck did you do that?

Kagome, in a playful tone: Because I'm a horny little bitch, who needs sex now!

Matt, eyes lighting up: Seriously?

Kagome, playful tone: Hellz ya! (Ok, that one was on purpose.)

Sango: I'm in!

Matt: SWEET!

Kagome: Isn't that kinda lesbian?

Matt, grabbing both of them by the titties: Not unless someone finds out!

Barney: Having unprotected sex is wrong!

Matt then ripped off Barney's head, still running.

Matt: Fucking gay dinosaur!

Kagome: Your eventually gonna have to use a condom.

Matt: Lalala! I'm not listening!

Sango: What's a condom?

Then Kagome explained to Sango what a condom was as Matt ran about a mile away.

Kagome: ... and that's a Dirty Sanchez.

Matt: We're here! Clothes lose 'em!

Kagome: We've been naked the whole time, you ripped our clothes off at the camp, remember?

Matt: That's right.

Sango: I'm to horny to talk! SEX, NOW!

Matt, already naked: Ok!

Matt then climbed on top of Kagome, and Sango got on top of him. They then had hot wild monkey sex.

Back at the camp...

Pat, vomiting seamen: Why god, why?

Kagome, off in the distance: OHHHH, OHHHHH, OHHHHHH!

Inuyasha: KAGOMES IN TROUBLE!

Miroku: Yeah, you go do that.

Inuyasha then ran off to the direction of Kagome's voice.

Miroku: Fucking retard.

At the sex spot...

Everyone had their clothes back on.

Sango: Oh, thanks Matt! I've never been licked like that before!

Kagome: And I had no idea I could stretch open that far!

Inuyasha: Kagome! Are you ok?

Kagome, remembering: I feel better then I have ever felt in my life.

Sango: Me too.

Inuyasha, suspicious: Ok, then why did you take them a mile away?

Matt: Because Kara's castle is right there.

Matt pointed to a castle.

Inuyasha: Well, how do you know it's her castle?

Matt: That.

Matt pointed to a giant neon sign, 3-times the size of the castle that said " THIS IS KARA'S CASTLE! THE SAME KARA THAT TURNED PAT INTO A TEDDY BEAR AND THEN INTO HER PET!"

Inuyasha: Well, how...

Kagome: Shut the fuck up, Inuyasha!

Inuyasha: I fucking hate you guys!

Inuyasha and company then went on to storm Kara's castle, next chapter!

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It's amost time to kill Kara. Yay! Nothing to say but REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry this chapter's so short, but I had this plot in mind, and this is all it turned out to be. Also, REVIEW! _I like pie! Meeps!_

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and... Zzzzzzz.

Inuyasha and company were at the gates of Kara's castle, a.k.a. " The Gates of Goth Hell".

Inuyasha: You guys ready?

Matt, breaking the door down: Have been since Chapter 2!

Kara, satanic voice: Welcome to my abode.

Matt: What the fucking hell is up with your voice?

Kara, normal voice: I thought it would sound cool and impress my master Naraku.

Matt: It's so not!

Inuyasha: Yeah, he's got you there.

Kara:... FUCK YOU! Take Brogan's fury!

Brogan: What the fuck?

Kara then threw Brogan at Matt. Matt, without hesitating, shoved a grenade up Brogans ass, which exploded, killing her instantly, making candy fall all over the room.

Kara: SHE WAS A FUCKING PINATA?

Matt: Yeah, wasn't it obvious?

Kagome: Yeah, you'd have to be a retard not to notice it from the start.

Matt, taking out his katana: Well, it's your turn to die.

Matt then felt a furry paw on his leg.

Pat: No, this is my fight!

Kara, laughing: You can't beat me! I gave you life! And I can take it away!

Pat: No you didn't, you turned me into a teddy bear.

Kara: Right.

Kara then threw a thousand knives at Pat, which he easily melted, turned into spears, and shot them back at her, pinning her against a wall.

Kara: I got beat by a teddy bear?

Pat: That's right! Super Fart of Death!

Pat then aimed his ass at Kara, holding a match at the other end, charging up a fart inside of him.

Pat: Prepare to fucking die, bitch!

Kara: You know, If you kill me, you lose your only shot at becoming human again?

At that second, the fart was cut, letting out a giant burst of flames, which incinerated Kara instantly.

Pat: SSHHIITT!

Matt: Time to kill Naraku!

Pat: You guys get out of her, I gotta get rid of some steam.

The second Inuyasha and company got out the door, they heard Pat shout.

Pat: SUPER NOVA!

The entire castle blew up in the coolest flames you could imagine, leaving nothing but a scorched crater.

Pat: Let's go!

With that Inuyasha and company went off to kill Naraku.


	14. Chapter 69

Matt here: I trying to think of how to finish up the fight with Naraku, I won't don't update until I got it planned out.

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and some kickass tunes!

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of Naraku. Pat was weeping.

Inuyasha: What was up with Pat?

Kagome: He lost his only chance to get his human body back, you insensitive dick!

Inuyasha: Why would he want his human body back? He's got fucking sweet fire powers and is huggably, rapeably soft.

Pat then shot a fire spear up Inuyasha's ass.

Pat, crying: How do you fucking like it?

Kagome then picked Pat up and hugged him against her chest.

Kagome, playful tone: You are rapeably soft.

Matt, the slightest hint of jealousy: No he isn't!

Kagome: Yes he is, he just doesn't have a cock, so he's useless to me.

Kagome then threw Pat on the ground and hung onto Matt's arm.

Matt: FUCK YA!

Meanwhile,...

Miroku: You think they're coming back for us?

Kirara: Meow. (No)

Shippo: Can I open my eyes yet?

Miroku: No, this isn't... appropriate,... for...a... child...to...UH...see. Done.

Back,...

Inuyasha: Hey, did we forget Miroku and Shippo back at the camp?

Sango, hitting her forehead: I forgot Kirara!

Matt: I'll get 'em. Hold on tight.

Kagome: Ok.

Matt then went running off into the distance.

Inuyasha: So,... want to do something while they're gone to pass the time?

Sango, playful tone: I've got a game.

5 minutes later,...

Miroku: Thanks for coming,... SANGO!

Kagome: Wha... INUYASHA!

Sango and Inuyasha were both naked on the ground, and they were 69-ing it, a.k.a. Sango was on top of Inuyasha sucking Inuyasha's cock, and Inuyasha ate Sango's pussy.

Matt, Shippo, Pat, and Kirara: HOT/ MEOW!

Inuyasha, not knowing exactly what was going on: Oh hi Kagome! Me and Sango were having a drinking contest, only Sango could only find cum. You guys want to play.

Everyone: HELLZ YA! (Fucking promise keeping!)

Matt: I CALL KAGOME!

Miroku: I CALL KIRARA!

Pat: That mean I have to suck off Shippo?

Matt, mumbling: Ya, pretty much.

Kagome, giggling: Matt! No talking with your mouth full! It tickles!

The group then had a whole lot of 69s. Then a whole lot of eppicat, to barf up all the cum they ingested. And with that, Inuyasha and company went off to kill Naraku.

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Nothing to say but, REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


	15. Chapter 15 The End

Matt here: This is the chapter Naraku dies. Yay!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and,.. Screw it! I'm to lazy!

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of Naraku.

Inuyasha: This is gonna take like 10 chapters to find him!

Matt: Fuck that!

Matt then took out a cell phone.

Matt: Yeah that's right,...

Matt, The Author, bless the very crap he writes, appeared out of a nearby Port-A-Potty.

Matt, The Author: No one go in there! That could peel the paint off a fucking duck!

Pat, lighting up a joint: Whatev...

Matt, The Author: NO!

The fire ignited the deadly fumes exiting the Port-A-Potty, causing a giant flaming fireball of death to blow all of the characters 10 chapters into the future.

Naraku: After 10 chapters, you finally found me!

Matt: Yeah, let's go with that.

Naraku: Time to die!

Inuyasha, pulling out his tetsaiga: For you!

Crickets chirping.

Inuyasha: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING CRICKETS!

Crickets: Sorry.

Matt: I don't pay you to speak!

Crickets: Shit!

The crickets then exploded into candy.

Miroku: Where are all these fucking pinatas coming from!

Matt, clearly forced: Why Miroku, they were provided by Joe's Pinata Shack! The prices are so low, they're **_LOCO_**!

Kagome: Nice! You sold out! That means you needed extra money in the budget for a cool action scene.

Matt: Uh, no, I kinda spent the budget on,... vodka and hookers.

Everyone else did an anime sweat drop.

Naraku: Arise my demon puppets!

Suddenly, an army of identical Naraku clones appeared.

Narakus, in unison: You shall all perish!

Kagome: HOW WILL WE EVER FIGURE OUT WHICH NARAKU IS THE REAL ONE?

Matt then shot one of Narakus with a rocket launcher.

Naraku: Hahaha! I was really a demon puppet!

Matt: No, they were.

Matt pointed to the other Narakus.

Naraku: Ah shit.

Naraku then exploded into a bunch of bloody guts.

Shippo and Kirara: YAY! CANDY/ MEOW!

Shippo and Kirara started to eat Naraku's guts.

Kagome, jumped on Matt and started humping him: OH! MATT! How did you find out which Naraku was the real one?

Matt: He was the one who wasn't obviously made of wood and didn't have strings holding him down.

Inuyasha: How the fuck did we not notice that before.

Everyone argued while Kagome gave Matt a blowjob.

An hour later,...

Matt: Well, I gotta go.

Kagome: Why?

Matt: Other universes need me to fuck around in them!

Kagome: Oh well, I guess I can't have this weighing you down.

Kagome then took off the magic necklace.

Inuyasha: How come he loses his!

Kagome, playful tone: I'm gonna use yours for something fun.

Inuyasha: What?

Kagome then whispered something into his ear.

Inuyasha, rapidly tapping his foot: SWEEET!

Matt: So, what you guys gonna do now that Naraku's dead?

Kagome: I don't know, read one of those fics that talk about. There are like a hundred of 'em.

Matt: Yeah, that kind sucks.

MIDGET HOOKER!

And with that Matt stepped into the Delorean from Back to the Future and went to fuck around in other universes.

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This was the final chapter, so I'm done! Yay! Now you just have to REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!


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